THE NEEDY

We are needy people

We need a new car,
We need a vacation,
We need it to stop raining,
We need to find a place to park!
And most of all… we need a new coach…

We are needy people

We use these or any number of similar exclamations, we don’t really mean, to convey that we are in a predicament that is so dire that we are to be pitied, (although the ease with which we throw the word around and the things we apply it to does in fact reveal something of the pitiful nature of how we most often see and judge the severity of our privileged predicaments). But one who is to be pitied, or a pitiful person, is exactly the image that the term “needy” conjures up. It certainly isn’t a compliment. It is a condescending label we attach to those living in poverty.

We are needy people

Of course, the word “need” is a relative term. It assumes there is something contingent upon this thing we need to happen or this thing we need to get or have. There are times when we legitimately need a parking spot, or we really do need a vacation, (I’m not sure how often we really do need a new coach), but the legitimacy of the needs for those of us who live well above the poverty level lies in the fact that some degree of happiness is at stake.

We need this new app
We need more friends (or less)
We need a refill at the restaurant
We need to be left alone…

But most often, our survival, our very existence does not depend upon the things we say we need.

We are needy people

I think we’d be shocked, or amused, by the number of times during the course of a day we started a sentence with, “I need to…” or, “you need to…” or ended it with, “… that’s just what I needed.” But as often as we use the word, we still would not consider ourselves “needy” and would probably be offended by someone referring to us as “needy.” Even those of us who have had or do need life-preserving assistance would not want to be labeled as “the needy.” We have needs, but we’re not “needy.”

We are all needy people

I cringe when I hear someone refer to “the needy”, and although I’m sure that most times the speaker doesn’t mean anything derogatory by it, it is still a condescending label that they wouldn’t want to be turned back on them. The number of needs among those living at or below the poverty level may or may not be more than those of us living above it. But the label “the needy” is reserved for those who exist in a state of poverty – a state of being in need of the things in life to actually preserve their lives, and not a certain state of happiness. (And I would contend that there is an unflattering reference to one’s character attached). The irony is that typically the more we have, the more we tend to need or think we need. If I didn’t have the privilege of owning a car, I wouldn’t need a parking space; if I didn’t have the privilege of work, I wouldn’t need a vacation; if I didn’t have the privilege of eating out, I wouldn’t need my server to refill my drink; if I didn’t have the privilege of worrying about our next win rather than my next meal, I wouldn’t need a new coach.

So, who really are “the needy”?

If measured by the frequency of our own words, we are all an absolutely needy bunch.

…who really need to stop using the label “needy”